Response to Yoga from the Inside Out

I am currently working my way through Christina Sell's memoir Yoga from the Inside Out. I strongly identify with what she has said thus far. In the book, she is chronicling her journey from being at war with her body to loving herself wholly. Her methods of warfare, disrespecting her temple, ranged from bulimia to over-exercising. According to her summary of her adolescence, she struggled with an eating disorder that started with binging and purging and evolved into a struggle to perfect the art of proper diet and exercise. An important note she made in that regard was about the different industries in the world. She explained that the modeling industry and the fitness industry (among others) equally do us a disservice because they glorify certain body types instead of glorifying self-love and healthy living.

Sell received counseling and medical consultations on how to revive her body from the battle wounds left by her eating disorder. She learned how to eat for her health and exercise to regulate her diet. Her main mode of exercise was yoga, which not only helped her maintain her weight, but also her mental health. Soon, she became an aerobics an indoor cycling instructor when she was en route to participating in a bodybuilding competition. She was motivated to get her figure into a competitive shape. Unfortunately, it was then that her addictive tendencies resurfaced with exercise. Sell was over-training, and sometimes binging and purging.

In spite of her relapse, her physique was close to what the competitive fitness industry considers perfection. Nevertheless, Sell was unhappy. She described herself as "tired, constantly hungry, irritable, and unfocused." Her body was constantly aching, and her muscles were so tight, that she had trouble simply walking normally. She broke down emotionally when she went to a yoga workshop. As she folded into herself, her instructor confronted her, saying that while she excelled at persevering, it was time to let go.

While I have never struggled with an eating disorder, or competed in a bodybuilding competition, I find both of those subjects fascinating. As I mentioned in one of my first blog posts here, I did not get into fitness and health (e.g. being active several times a week and eating mostly whole, natural, unprocessed foods - save for sweets on the regular) until college. My personality might be described as Type A. I like getting things done as soon as possible, as well as possible, and I often let things that are out of my control stress me out. When I came to college, I realized exercising and regulating my diet help mollify my intense nature. During my freshman year, I ran a lot - frequently, not in quantity. I got shin splints, so I stopped running so much. In these past few years, I've picked up weightlifting and doing body weights exercises like push-ups for exercise. I love it, and I definitely get obsessive sometimes. I don't like taking rest days because I usually feel as though I can do more physically. I'm learning how significant rest is though...

A much less pleasant lesson I've learned in college is that I can easily work myself until I burn out. I've gotten sick pretty frequently these past few years, especially in the semesters that I've been serving as a Community Leader. I'm sure part of it is due to living in a small space with so many people, but I also know the other big part of it is that I try so hard (harder than necessary, probably) in every area of my life. I internalize my accomplishments, but I heavily weigh my mistakes against myself. I would say that's how I identify with Sell most, is having to learn to rest, physically, but also spiritually. I strive and strive and wish and hope, but things always work out better when I literally let things rest in God's hands*. I'm also learning that muscles rebuild faster when you give them time to heal than when you keep working out because they keep tearing. I try not to criticize myself so much when I make a mistake, and instead turn to God in gratitude for his infinite grace.

*I spent all of this week worrying because there's one last book I need to buy for a class. Since CLing doesn't pay the big bucks, and I'm paying for the GRE/grad school applications, I can't afford to spend more on textbooks. I told God that in prayer, and then kept reminding myself to make the circuits to find the lowest price for the book on Amazon, Chegg, etc. Today, I checked the library website for kicks to see if the book was in our library here.
IT WAS.
I have it now.
God is stretching my faith in Him practically, and I'm not complaining ;)